pain allows you to focus on that one thing
pain shuts you away from other thing
pain makes you think negative
pain makes you grumble
pain makes you pain.

¹ O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
⁵ You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

- Psalms 139

so... re-define pain

Pain is a gift.
Pain tells you something is amiss and you gotta change it
Pain makes you feel alive, knowing that there's still hope.


Worrying about the pain, means you care.

How to treat the pain?

He'll treat.
but it takes time though.

i had a CRAZY shift today.
super irritated by my patients.

URGH!
URGH!!
URGH!!!

Suddenly, something asked me to "let go". I was like, let go of what? My fears? And I guess, it's not an easy task to let go, but then again, having faith means you're able to do it.

I was once asked, "If we've doubts in our life, do we still have faith?" It's in human nature to have doubts in our life, but because of FAITH, you're able to continue your walk in your life, though it's full of uncertainty. Throughout this year or also, I think I've more uncertainties, fears, struggles that I ever have. But nevertheless, God never fail to prove that He is always there for me. Whenever it is at the least unexpected moments of my life, God will be there to guide me and show me the correct way.

To us, everything may come at the wrong time, wrong moment. But to God, his timing is always perfect. So yeah. So, at the end of each day, if you feel depress, demoralized, I believe that it's good to really think through your whole day and see what are the things that you can be thankful for. Cos, ultimately, we are receiving God's blessings. So yeah.

Living unloved is like clipping a bird's wings and removing it's ability to fly. This Love, is God's love for us. So, don't act like the whole world has fallen and there's no way out. Haha. Cos God's love surpass more than anything else in this world. And because of that, we're able to survive in this world, and to love people for who they really are. Yup.

thanks girl.

gosh im on my very FIRST MONDAY MORNING shift as a staff nurse tmr.
monday mornings will normally be crazily busy and full of shit.

so...
for that, i've decided to skip my cf grad camp evaluation meeting
and attend teckyi and winnie's NPCO concert
to drown myself into chinese music, sit back and relax.
but well.. some pieces are quite a kind of disappointment.

having said that, I MISSED THOSE DAYS IM IN CO!
it's like 4 years ago thing already!


time flies man...
by the time i look back again..
i think i'll be in nursing for like 10 years already
and hopefully happily married, with little children.

so first thing first.
stay healthy and SLIM DOWN!!

tiring but well spent.

went cell after work
although unable to click onto the discussion
but thank God at least i'm there

had an impromptu dinner request from jason
and after cell went ps to meet hui ru and jason for dinner
sharon popped out slightly later too
and yup! i brought vonnie along!

had dinner and then i pang sehed my poly clique
and went shopping with vonnie
because im in desperate to search for a white plain top.
felt really bad for pang sehing them.. REALLY SORRY!
i'm glad we met cuz i really missed u people!

off day tmr!
gonna have 2 meetings hahaha.
chill chill~

HANG ON!!!

everyday is unpredictable
can be eventful or uneventful no one knows.
workload high at times, low at times
stress levels too.
this VT-like waves of stress levels
can really drain us a lot
physically and emotionally.

but remember, you're not alone.
we're here together,
to support and encourage,
to learn and change
for better not for worst.

the crucial part of this journey
is the beginning, where we build our foundation
it'll cost us lots of tears, pain and sweat
and also make us want to give up.

be it 2 years or more,
let's help each other to pull through,
live it to the fullest
so that when we look back, it'll be sweet memories.

i thank God that we're here together
and i'll keep you in my prayers
my dear friend, wenya
my dear friend, dorothy.

yay! i finally gotten HOUSE M.D season 2 and 3 from Melody!
and i'm currently watching 4 drama series
HOUSE MD
Gossip girls
Pi Zi Ying Xiong
Bai Quan Nu Wang.

so addicted until i watched them till i fall asleep!
and that answers "why your eyes like that??!"
my current big dark rings and heavy eyebags.

passed by lots of pasar malams these few days
gosh.. im so craving for those food now
although i seldom eat them.

work makes me hungry..
lagi worst, food sold at AH..
super limited, expensive, not filling.
ask me why don't eat BAO?
we can't eat BAO at ward...
nurses too pang tang =\

been and back from CF grad camp =)
it's really nice knowing fellow CFers
from really white-hair old to just graduated from Uni.

didnt really fellowship much
but as usual, i won't feel unwelcomed in CF.

hmm.. i shall continue be an active CFer!
i hope i will.


gotta go rest well now!
i'm going to do a straight 7 days work after today =\
then i'll get a sunday rest.

i asked myself, "what do i want to achieve in nursing?"

promotions? knowledge? very stable income?

yeah, i want to get promoted fast,
get my advance dip, my degree fast
so i'll have pay rise...
that's what everybody wants!

today's talk about pallative care,
showed me clearly that i've been blinded by worldly desires
and influenced by them as well.

it kind of knocked by head hard
and brought me back to the answer
of this question "why do i join nursing?"
very simple.
because i want to care for others.


as a registered nurse today,
i asked myself
so am i caring for others?
is that right attitude i brought to work everyday?
honestly, nope.
the care i provide isn't consistent,
the attitude i brought to work each day is
getting things done fast!! FAST FAST FAST!
aim to knock off on time.

remember when i was year 1 and year 2
as a student nurse on attachment,
i'll always go back home 30mins to an hr late.
without complains, rather with great satisfaction
because i changed my patients diaper, i brought patient to toilet
made them felt comfortable and relieved...
even when i'm a min away to end shift.

what i got from today's talk was,
Care is not just a touch, not just words, not just simple acts.
It's a journey... with a start and an end without walking away or losing touch.

i can smile, i can feed them, i can greet them every shift,
i can ask them how are you feeling today etc.
that's how most nurses care for patients.

but that's not the care that i'm referring about initially..
the care in my dictionary is being involved in someone's life
and journey with them...
treat them as if they are our closest friends and family.


yes, i'm easily influenced and i do what people asks me to do,
i believe what people say.
seriously, i'm blending into a.. i dare say.. bad ward culture.
Fast paced, just want to get things done right, goal less, bureaucratic

i want to change.
and i'm going to hold to this sentence
"just do it! seek forgiveness later."
when what i'm going to do is right and is at patient's interest,
i'll just do it. even if i'm getting shits in return...
because i know the more shits i eat, the more i'll never starve.

question again.
"What do i want to achieve in nursing?"

I want to touch lives.

ever since i joined AH,
i've been hearing alot of bad stuffs about the management.
and just agreed with it.

after 2 days of orientation
led by all the snr management,
i finally understand why they work that way.


there's alot of requirements and expectations from us
but at the end of the day,
it doesn't only benefit the hospital
but benefits us ALOT.

ahh.. now i see light in this organization when i think long term.


joke of the day:
"If you eat shit, you'll never starve because the world is full of shit."
- Mr Liak Y.T

CF Grad Camp this coming friday to sunday
and.. there's alot of undone stuffs
serious last min rush
because everyone is busy with their own work
and the comm is super small size
6 people only(ganshi included)
and the way we work things out is... weird.

comm chairman is not the camp commander
only 1 comm member (the secretary) is a full timer
serious communication break down through emails and smses.

i can only say...
trust in the Lord,
pray hard that things turn out fine.

it's very challenging yea?

almost wanted to tell you how i felt.
because i don't want to guess,
i want an answer.
but i chose to hold on to the faith,
let God decide our way.

no common interests,
no common topics,
yet i like you, this casual friend.

just let this friendship grow,
strong and close
like a huckleberry friend.



you've asked " who's my huckleberry friend?"
i wanted to ask if you want to be my huckleberry friend.

i'm going to miss every single moments spent in school
from year 1,
where my results sucks alot
where i gain alot of weight from snacking during lectures
where i get to know Jason and Linn first, followed by Shuting, Huiru, Kaili, Sharon and Huanying
where i got molested at my left forearm by a big nose uncle during my first attachment at daycare centre
got into HS Ambassadors
had a soft ball module

year 2, results getting better
YEP Vietnam
lots and lots of project work
visit the subordinate court
specialised posting at KKH and IMH
Standard Chartered First Aider

year 3, best results!
NS5 fliming
PRCP
Specialised posting at A&E and OT
participated HS Idol and champ it.
F1 first aider
research project


too many highlights already!
i'll really miss my school days, friends, lecturers, food.
gonna close this chapter officially
and continue to strive somewhere else.


Congratulations! Gabby =)

tired tired tired.
i dunno why...
these few days i've been
sleeping alot
sleeping early
but still tired

i think i've overdosed myself
with long hours of sleeping.
getting groggy here
after 1 cup of bailey's choc mint

work was alright
able to cope more or less already =)
getting used to work on sunday afternoons
and somehow i like it
more relaxed.
the only thing bad about sunday afternoons shift is...
admissions always happen when ur shift is about to end
and then.. u'll become damn busy and sian-ed.

to conclude,
i'm a lousy drinker
flushed and sleepy.

if anyone is concern about my surgical site:



yea right,
i'm talking about
somewhere else.

No, i'm not!
...maybe, i am.

i'm happy cuz we talked.
will you be my huckleberry friend?
^^

Two drifters, off to see the world
There's such a lot of world to see
We're after that same rainbow's end, waitin' 'round the bend
My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me


my heart just melted...

-something eventful happened during my shift today
-i accidently snapped my patient's PICC line
-my Graduation (for School of HS only) was cancelled :( due to swine flu
-i found a small little lump 5mm x 5mm on my left thigh
actully found long ago lah like last year.. gonna see Dr tmr.


=(
sian.suay.sad.scared.

pray pray.

during car ride with dad today,
he shared his 6 days experiences
taking care of my grandparents

basically, my grandfather is always okay
it's my AH MA.

gosh hahahah poor dad gotta tolerate her for so long..
all of us got irritated by my ah ma everytime
and really pissed with her..
only my xiao shu and xiao jim can deal with her.

but thinking back
it's really funny...
her little actions,
her stubborness,
her unreasonable scoldings,
it's like a little irritating spolit kid.

gong gong: that malay woman very 'huan'
dad: what did the maid to again?
gong gong: no lah! your mother lah.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

ah ma was scolding the maid
and the maid cried

ah ma: chong ah, go teach the maid how to cook.
dad: cook what?
ah ma: sweet potato porridge
dad: you have been eating it everyday she knows how to cook!

HAHAHAHAHA!

ah ma: chong ah, buy bread
then my dad bought bread with milk kind.
ah ma doesn't like it.. and keep niam-ing away
but ate everything up.
then ah ma ask da gu to buy
da gu bought normal white bread, and she likes it.
this morning...

dad: ma.. u want to speak to ah leng( my uncle )?
ah ma: okay..
pick up the phone
ah ma: call sally here.. sally ah. buy bread!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!!!
they're in CHINA LOR!


gosh. i love my ah ma even more sia!

back to the ward tmr
gonna put on that mask
it can be really exhausting.

gonna hold on faithfully,
that my strength will be renewed,
and be inspired to greater length.

=)

afterall, i realised i'm trapped still.
i'll just let it be...
sweet. ^^

Some say love, it is a river, that drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor, that leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower, and you, its only seed

Its the heart afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance
Its the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the chance
Its the one who wont be taken, the one who cant seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying, that never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong
Just remember that in the winter, far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed, that with the suns love in the spring becomes the rose.

no. of deaths for SWINE FLU doubled within less than 48hours.
just came back from my kukup trip
then i was reading some updates re: Swine Flu
HONGKONG got its first case already
to me it's like s.h.i.t
this is bad.
although i'm quite prepared that coming week
may/will be disastrous...
but i'm still quite afraid.

i'm afraid that my patient has it but symptoms haven appear yet
then i've actually spreaded to people around me...
esp my love ones.

okay anyway. i can't control it.

so.. KUKUP TRIP!
it was frickin' FUN!
i love the fireworks!
i love the BBQ FOOD!
i love my bunk mates
although weird things happened.. okay watever liao lah!

was teased by zhiyang and jianen during the whole trip
gosh really madness. so annoying! *ROLL EYES MAX*
but FUN matters most lah.
thank God i can take jokes..

alright
had enough fun this weekend
tmr ball games i'll try to have all FUN FUN FUN

and off working hard during this RED ALERT period.

child of God
staff nurse

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