Monday, May 31, 2010 @ 6:45 PM
kpo misses you
and again, flashing images of gong gong last moments appeared in my head.
and yea, again.
for the past few days
flashes of memories of gong gong appeared in my head.
the gurgling sound that's saying "i need a suction!, i'm drowning with secretions!"
from that old aunty who's diagnosed CA lung, reminds me of gong gong
when i ascultate his chest and heard those crackles and gurgles.
that old uncle with low Hb 5.5, bleeding from retro peritoneal.
the way he talks, reminded me of gong gong.
even though it's totally different.
different tone, different style, different diagnosis,
but that white hair, that old wrinkled face
that lil spots of freckles.. that's gong gong.
all these didn't hit me at all until
like last week. i'm missing my gong gong already.
when i saw the huge family members of that malay uncle
i'm reminded of my own.
when i saw family members crying
it felts like i saw my uncle, aunty crying
when i saw that old uncle's wife touches his head
it felts like i saw ah ma sitting beside gong gong.
time flies so fast
it's already near 2 months since gong gong passed away.
but it felt like he passed away few days ago.
oh well i'm not sad,
but i really missed my gong gong.
he's coughing sound
he's routine after dinner walk along the living room
that chair he always sits
and now as i shower more care and love to ah ma,
i kept thinking y didn't i shower more love and care to gong gong.
it's like too late.
and really regret it.
people would say
then shower that care to your ah ma
your gong gong sure likes it one.
i know i know
but it's still different.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010 @ 10:30 PM
that sudden increase in workload
from 1 patient on saturday
to 3 patients on sunday
and 6 on monday
monday was super bluey horrible.
took care of a brain dead patient
and then a new admission
the amount of stress and workload will triple
when we transfer to KTPH because there's 50% increase in beds in each ICU
and worst is when there's more pandemic outbreaks,
the isolation wards can be transferred into ICU ward.
how exciting can that be!
my life is getting more and more serious.
all my laughing brain cells gone,
all my jokes and craps were gone too
with all the serious talks about work,
patient's conditions.
then during lunches it's all those 'my kids' stuffs
or 'i'm getting married'
i want to be with friends, my age
crap and study together.
i'm most of the time talking to people in their 30s
SIGH!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010 @ 9:24 AM
how exciting can this be?
ever smell soured milo?
gosh, i smelt them all night ytd
my patient was vomitting milo +++
as compared to general ward,
i really do enjoyed working in ICU.
greater satisfaction i'd say.
-playing charades with patients
simply because they are intubated, having a trachy, can't talk
and able to know their needs is really satisfying
-able to help them at times they feel helpless,
at times they are very depressed,
at times they are very very weak,
and especially at times when they need to be isolated,
conveying messages from their family to them
is very satisfying.
-able to gain more knowledge from the Drs,
work with them more which foster better relationships
able to gain more insights as we'll know how they ended up in ICU,
their family, how complicated their life can be.
oh well,
happier working night shift.
no sister nagging away, no questionings from consultants,
no allied health services to follow up, no visitors
just purely me and the patient.
can be very very hectic but at least it's more peaceful. i guess.
currently i've got
so many trainings on new systems to use,
so many trainings on new devices, equipments.
and i'm really excited about shifting to KTPH soon!
it's happening NEXT MONTH. 28th June a day before my bday!
why am i telling myself all these?
kwoky told me that there's a big company looking for
medical sales executives.
basic pay is 2K++, will have transport allowance, handphone allowance, and other allowances.
office hours, get to wear pretty, less stressed, less sai kang, less harm to my health,
and importantly, i'm eligible.
REALLY TEMPTING isn't it?
but once again i need to remind myself...
why i choose nursing in the first place.
okay BUT if i were to be kicked out of ICU
i'll go do pharmaceutical sales.
i don't want to go to general ward!!!
Tuesday, May 04, 2010 @ 9:18 PM
life is short.
hoping for another pretty sunrise this morning
but as the car exits from AYE to Alexandra,
right infront of the entrance of the Alexandra hospital
an accident happened.
and when u see white sheet on the ground
that means died on the spot.
within split sec,
i saw the driver sitting in the car, traumatized.
beside the car it's a rotton squashed bicycle.
bad omen on a tuesday morning yea?
there again, busy day at work
didn't had time for lunch.
and fall into a super awkward position with this "banished?" SSN.
sigh.
"Gabrielle, i'll call you SN Gabrielle if you call me SN XX."
this sentence spoils my day at work. damn!
is it wrong to speak up for something that is not right?
or actually out in the society i should be a hypocrite,
can't be bothered and just work like a...(fill in the blank, i can't find a word)
know what?
i think it's going to be a CRAZY month.
Monday, May 03, 2010 @ 7:18 PM
good morning?
dragged myself to work today
especially after a long weekend
still having that irritating cough
but when i was just right outside the hospital
i saw the sunrise and thought, yeah, it's been a long long time since i last saw a sunrise
it was a, i would say spectacular.
when we're still kids, a circle and few lines defines sun.
but we don't really see a sun with lines.
today, i saw it.
clearly defined lines out from half the sun
(i didn't really see the sun though cuz it's still rising haha!)
but it was sure sure pretty.
i couldn't believe that i get to see such thing. i'm totally not bragging.
really thank God for cheering me up, asking me to jiayou
with a happy beautiful sunrise.
and come to think about it
probably it's there with that purpose.
work was hectic today
super hectic.
i need to transfer my patient within 2 hour
when there's dozens of things not done.
so stucked between by ICU consultant and ICU Sister
both are crazy, it's not even urgent!
even my colleague thinks its too crazy.
then i had to hand in my OJT soon
but i had 1 particular machine i have yet learn
and my preceptor is away on leave :(
next i saw this SSN,
who is totally ignoring me.
and things became awkward, that sucks totally.
then back home,
it seems to me that Ah Ma is going to suffer from dementia.
i really hope that tmr's dr's visit will be fine.
telling us that she's normal.
but if it's not for the sunrise at the start of the day
i guess i'll be sad and depressed with my day today.
Amen!
