Tuesday, August 31, 2010 @ 11:45 AM
I will bring praise
woke up in tears yesterday
because whatever happened is real
couldn't stay at home
so decided to go out.
initially didnt know where to go.. felt really lost.
took a bus, sat in there for 1 hour
recap about what had happened,
reminding myself that God is near,
much nearer than what i thought.
“Whoever is wise will . . . think about the love of the Lord.” Psalm 107:43
thought of isolating myself with the world,
spend time alone with myself,
go to quiet places and seek God.
ask Him why why why..
i was raging then.
then it started to rain.
and my heart said..
go Ah Yi hse.
msged her, met her for lunch at TAKASHIMAYA
went to her hse, chat with her,
played with Vianna
read a chapter of my book.
it wasn't really therapeutic,
it didn't solve my problem
but it lightened my heart.
looking at Vianna's innocent laughters and irritating whines
listening to Ah Yi's advices and her love for me.
Reading a chapter on Rahab - making decisions, choices.
playing Iphone games with friends.
problem still exists,
one comes after another.
there will be days
where life gives us a lot of pain
but we need to gladly face it
and fight it by faith, not by might.
people i need to learn to forgive,
people i need to learn to love
most importantly to bring praises and glory
even in the darkest times.
Monday, August 30, 2010 @ 9:09 AM
that's it.
utter disappointment.
i don't want to hear explanations
i don't want a single thing
honestly, everyone turned scary.
just leave me alone.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010 @ 11:14 PM
and finally they live happily ever after
Ah ma reunited with God and gong gong on the 21st Aug 1215hrs
expected her to pass away that day
but didn't expect it to be 15mins pass midnight.
because of her BP and HR was still quite alright.
nway, most imptly
it was a peaceful death.
this month i've seen quite a few deaths
Ah ma's death wasn't a shock to me.
neither sad.
in fact honestly, i prayed for God to take her away earlier
looking at her last few days
it was heartbreaking.
she's in pain,
she's gasping,
she's hallucinating,
she's suffering.
and there's nth we can do.
only to be there with her.
i thank God for taking her away earlier than expected.
i thank God i had the courage to kiss her when she's alert
i thank God i had the courage to tell her "wa(4) tia(4) li(4)" when she's alert..
really no regrets...
now that they're gone, i really don't know what will happen next.
some of us worry about it.
but after seeing what God had done for Gong gong and Ahma,
i know that He already had plans for us.
no worries!
Thursday, August 05, 2010 @ 5:27 PM
i'm WRONG.
i love my patient.
and i'll ignore that friend i mentioned ytd.
disappointed.
Wednesday, August 04, 2010 @ 11:51 PM
another chance.
i know of this person
and i know of his past recently
He's quite sick(as in not ill sick.. but sexually sick!)
he didn't provoke me or said anything sick to me thus far.
yes, i do find it gross and ignored him
but i guess, it could be his past.
so, i befriend him again.
i know of this person
and i know of his past too.
He's abusive and violent.
now, he's totally weak,
dependent on machines to keep him alive.
but i guess, he is remorseful
so, i'll help him as much as can.
should there be a 2nd chance actually?
absolute NO. if the Lord is not with me.
but i thank God,
He's always with me.
