and I will
keep dancing in the rain
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Friday, December 31, 2010 @ 11:05 AM
goodbye 2010

WHOAA!! 2010's last day! damn fast!!
2010 is really a sweet, sour, bitter year.
started of me entering Medical ICU, learning alot of new stuffs
making new friends and colleauges
then Gong gong's sudden death was really a great hit.
but i really thank God we're gone through new year together,
had good enuff fun time together.

also started writing my very first composed song and sang it during band camp
a song for my Gong gong, a song for this particular patient.
followed by shifting into the new KTPH with increased stress levels and intensity
and even more heartbreaking, heartwarming stories behind every patient.
then my Ah ma's death after 5mths of Gong gong's death, but this time round i'm prepared and i'm not as sad in fact i'm really happy about it. no more suffering for Ah Ma. cuz come to think of it, if my husband who's with me for 60-70 over years passed away, i wouldn't want to live either.
in the month of Oct, i went for my advance diploma in Critical Care, whining and complaining about the course as usual, like my other classmates, but we really do bond and have fun, trying to make our 8 months fun fruitful and exciting. i really love my classmates alot.
and this month, a saga happened among my group of friends although it's a sad story, but i can see how God is making things work out, Girl found focus in God, Boy got himself cleared, Extras just got to know them even better. hahaha.. but i always believe bro and sis(in christ) also function like a true family, where forgive and embrace all flaws is possible.
today, i'm going to mark an end of this year, by sharing a song with my church friends
which also to me, a dedication of myself to the Lord once again.
Monday, December 27, 2010 @ 1:50 AM
i was right.
He confessed. and i was right all along.
well, i'd say i got no feelings now.

cause i still couldnt let go of that guy..
in fact these feelings became stronger.
but sometimes i do not know
if they are just "defence mechanism"
and yes i've been telling ppl around me
and i somehow felt that i'm just trying to convince myself
that i still liked R and not J.

urgh contradicting. yes.
this kind of thing always contradicts.

i prayed about it not long ago.
few weeks back before the camp started.
i questioned why. and i'm really angry
because it really takes alot of effort
allow these feelings to fade away.

a saga happened eventually,
i'm not the main cast. just the audience.
it did not affect me much
after knowing some stuffs about the cast.
and i was surprised.

my close friends will know that i'm very soft hearted
easily sway and lead away...
so do God knows.
and what came into my mind was
God was trying to protect me from feelings vs reality.

now everything is clear
and i really thank God for that
though now feelings for R is still there
but i believe that i can brave through these feelings.

thanks J for liking me.
i've made myself clear and said it bluntly enough
and like you've said if we're meant to be together, we'll be.
so let God decide.
Sunday, December 19, 2010 @ 8:46 PM
3 things that keeps me away from mugging.
Christmas Mood
Bonus $$
You.
Sunday, December 12, 2010 @ 10:48 PM
christmas isn't christmas till it happens in your heart
i'm in a christmas mood now!
i think i'll flunk my law and ethics 50mcqs.
GOSH.

what i really hope for this christmas
is a really meaningful and really a merry christmas.
after all the unhappy events over the past few months,
what i really need is a sweet, nice, merry christmas.

its not about receiving gifts, eating candies, seeing santa, having nice decors, fun parties.
but it's about the smiles from each individual faces of my loved ones
each representing appreciation, forgiveness, thanksgiving, love, joy

i can't wait for my gift exchange with wenya and dotz,
i can't wait to give suefern her gift
i can't wait to shop for gifts for my family
i can't wait for carolling to come
i can't wait to give my friends the gifts i've prepared
the cards i've wrote.

hehehe =)) BONUS PLS COME SOON!
Sunday, December 05, 2010 @ 11:38 PM
the reason why
as i'm telling people about how disturbed i was
how i dislike this person, not being able to accept.
the amount of whines and grumbles,
the amount of disatisfaction i'm having,
there was the thought of i'm a cell group leader,
i'm a youth ministry chairperson.
the reminder of setting an example.
just simply flood my mind.

but many times i choose to ignore it and go my way.
and regretted what i've did at the end of the day.

it's been a month, i'm actually struggling about it.
i felt that i need to portray a good christian role model
holy and spiritually mature, but i always feel that i'm not that spiritually matured
as compared to my peers.

i do not know why i even take up the role as a leader.
the fear of not serving the Lord whole heartedly
that fear of unable to become a good role model to fellow christians
not living His testimony
the fear of stumbling other people
the fear of drowning into worldy desires.

because actually right now,
i'm not a good role model.
i'm not living His testimony
i'm not sure if i've caused any one stumble
but i'm sure i'm into worldy desires.

i feel bad. i really do.
i feel scared. i really do.

tell me how...

His Word ♥



Gabrielle ♥
child of God
staff nurse

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