its the hottest topic now very sensitive, very tricky! politicians shooting each other up down left right i wonder where's the "to build a democratic society, based on justice and equality" that we said in our national pledge.
"so as to achieve happiness prosperity and progress for our nation." 1 word. SIGHS.
i haven been reading up on some news about elections and clear enough that many ppl will vote for the oppositions. the current government have been focusing too much on prosperity and progress, making the netizens filled with unhappiness.
probably for me, the most direct impact i have are the the issue on foreign "talents" i'm not trying to be like a nation-cist here. but true enough the Pinoy nurses in singapore are growing furiously like some wild fire, turning more and more arrogant.
not only that, some even dislike singaporean, but they are here to take care of singaporeans. with that in mind, do wonder about the kind of care and treatment they will provide for the local patients here.
i'm totally fine with "importing" the foreigners over to slough for singapore but to take care of one? what kind of quality will that be? when it comes to compromising of patient care, gosh this is terrible.
moreover, with so many of them, people will use them as a gauge of how local singapore nurses will treat the patients, and there it worsens the usual sterotyping that the commoners have about us.
SIGHS~
Tuesday, April 26, 2011 @ 12:31 PM
?stand for yourself
im in NUH medical ICU, super bored here because we're students, we can only do minimal things like turning, changing diapers :( so im gonna blog abt what just happened to me.. almost everyday of my attachment life and today im really quite upset about it.
have you ever have a peer of yours making jokes out of you, but u think its fine cuz just allow everyone to laugh abit, create a friendlier atmosphere.. but sometimes or most of the time it gets overboard and it became hurtful..
you know u can't retaliate because the person is quite influential, a simple thing can be easily exaggerated already guess why not a simple dislike of certain act may turn into something even worse. i guess thats me, i wont really stand up for myself, just swallow it and try to let it be.
i didnt want things to turn awkward among my peers guess thats e reason why i dont stand for myself and after a long while it became a character..
but i thank God for that friendship.. because i learnt how to tolerate and be even nicer if i can tolerate this, thru out e long run who knows at work with patients relatives etc, i may not become a hypocrite like "acting" nice, but instead with a genuine heart, be nice to the nasty. i want to believe it this way.
Friday, April 22, 2011 @ 8:48 PM
what is right? and what is wrong?
certain issues in this society we live in do we know what's right and what's wrong? how can we find out?
my friend K, a christian, popped a qns to me yes night. "the church in singapore condemns homosexuality right?" then we had a near 2 hours chat about whether homosexuality is a sin.
so i said, YES it is a sin. Because God created man and woman that's the normal human cycle, he didnt create man and man to be companions nor woman and woman to be. And in Leviticus 20:13, 1 Cor 6:9, Genesis's story about Sodom City where the 2 angels visited Lot and the men outside request for Lot to bring the angels out so that they can have sex with them. and thus the city was destroyed by God.
pretty obvious that heyy it's condemned isn't it? but then during our convo, what struck me was that true enough, we're looking at bible in different perspective
to me, the Sodom City was about homosexuality but to K it means that not to abuse the guest.
then K also sees that the bible didnt outrightly condemn homosexuality, the society does. it's because since young we're taught not to fall in love with same sex, we're shaped to fall in love with different sex, society, self-concept comes in. although medically, the also hormones plays a part in it. how about genetically people who are "born homosexual"?
it wouldn't be fair isn't it? so is that sining? then another pop out in my head. if homosexuality is a sin, what about watching homo dramas like the L word, brokeback mountain, etc am i sining? or it's just a preference?
K said that its a preference. just like watching violence, horror. then i asked ST, a non christian friend, is homosexuality a sin? is watching homo drama a sin? she said, homosexuality is not a sin cuz its subconscious, cuz the hormones faults, inbuilt. but watching homo drama is a sin cuz its wrong and u still do it. its conscious wrongdoing. (FYI: according to V, knowing its wrong yet doing it is called transgression, a different kind of sin)
then today i saw J online, and so asked him. there, i get another viewpoint. the act of homosexuality is a sin but the tendency of homosexuality is not a sin. just like having high sex drive, its inbuild, can't control but that doesnt mean one will commit pre-marital sex (which is a sin, in the bible) or a person easily angered, its one's character that's not a sin, but if he go and whack people outside that is a sin. so if one were to have tendency of homosexuality, but not commiting the act of homosexuality that is not sining because will God create u to become homosexual and tell u that u're sining? thus for that one homosexual, he/she is to learn to be single and live for God.
nway the point here is, besides homosexuality, there's more issues that are contentious like white lies, ethics etc. they're all grey areas
and as christians its really becoming more and more challenging its not about just stand firm on what you believe and dont think about it so much, just know its not right don't question cuz the more u ask the more doubtful u'll become. but rather, what concern me was, how the younger generations is going to know what's right and what's wrong.
just like can the F**K be used as an adjective? as christians is it right or wrong to use it? use it online, on twitter, on facebook. every single movie now has sex scenes. in the past actor and actress don't really kiss mouth to mouth, they use tatics to make it look real, during sex scene, they don't strip entirely, but today's context, they really kiss, french kissing and yes they strip entirely, even though u didnt see the private parts but u know it's entirely stripped naked.
if one day a youth asked me, how am i going to ans to their qns? or ur kid asked you, "mummy, why can't i use the word F**K? it means very very very nice!"
nway if you're a christian, to know what's right and what's wrong, stick close to God, have a good relationship with Him know Him, because that u'll know what He likes and what He doesn't like that is what's right, and what's wrong.
and teach well, as said in Titus 2
11 For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, 13 while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.
Thursday, April 21, 2011 @ 10:50 PM
we call them Coconuts
it's my last day in Neuro-surgical ICU today guess i won't be in that setting anymore
it's quite a sad place to work in it's worse than taking care of a cancer patient. because behind each neuro patient, there's always a very saddening heartbreak story to tell.
what kind of patients we'll usually have in the NSICU?
-ruptured aneurysm in the brain that's the "time bomb" in the head. it's most of the time asymptomatic. or prior to that, was a severe headache and boO it blast!
he came for a visit, had a severe headache and there he is, lying in the ICU intubated. a giant aneurysm ruptured so suddenly. though his life was saved on time, but this is a life changing event. He is going to be paralysed for life, won't be able to talk, will be bed ridden, can't work. isn't that 身不如死
-Intracranial bleed, that can be in the brainstem
in this case, she can't go for surgery. she was normal, no past medical history, not a smoker nor she drinks. she just suddenly fitted at home one fine day and there she is, lying in the ICU bed, intubated. in a comatose state, but really thank God that her parents, her siblings have been praying for her and today she finally blink and nod her head. it was quite amazing to see a lil recovery, however what's the aftermath is really hard to tell.
the brain cells is not like the liver cells, which is reversible. once the brain cells are damaged, its damaged, its irreversible.
her kids are young,but her aneurysm ruptured and she came in with fixed and dilated pupils. did brain death test on her and she's positive. so became a candidate for HOTA.
just 4 days, and i've come to know many many many stories. very sad ones.
=(((
Tuesday, April 19, 2011 @ 11:13 PM
heart over mind, mind over body
my thoughts, my feelings and my actions are not in sync in what way?
i wanted to study @ SIM, UOS's nursing degree but my feelings went to Curtin's cuz its cheaper, faster. and i went to submit my application forms today. will be notified in 2 weeks time if i make it or not.
in relationships too, so not in sync till i dunno if i'm doing things, saying things from the bottom of my heart or not.
i used to dislike E, but i took the step to know her better, i really do not know why. i know i treat her as a friend, i treat her well because she's my friend but at times i really dislike her. contridicting.
i like R. but i refused to take the step to know him better, and now that i see him, suddenly those feelings are gone, after all the whooha with God, signals and stuffs, those feelings are gone. i find it weird. but am i really out of it?
J told me recently that he's leaving, for good. My heart sanked. i guess it's because all of the awkwardness previously made our friendship astray? and now i want that friendship back, however it seems tough. why is that so??
CC seems to be drifting away from me too. at times i does felt not part of them, its not being left out.. just that i can't blend in already. i wonder why?
really confused with myself, like what kind of person am i? i used to be someone who know what kind of person i am,decisive, thrifty but now its totally way opposite. WHYY?!? i couldn't figure it out.
watched the latest ep of desperate housewives yesterday. and the last part strucked me
Susan: So, you're trying to tell me that it is random. Roy: I'm trying to do anything I can to get you to stop crying, honey. You're on a lucky street. Who knows why? Just enjoy it. Susan: But, what happens when my luck runs out? I know - Why ask? Roy: Why ask?
yup, why ask?? in good times, and in bad times. why ask? Just enjoy it, live it out, live with it.
Monday, April 18, 2011 @ 12:50 AM
the holy week.
today ended with a voice in my mind.
"think about it."
stucked in another crossroad again, though i know no matter which path i choose God will lead.
but now i dont even know which path to take.
this holy week, i hope that i can have time with God to reconcile with Him and seek for His directions.
it's so tough!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011 @ 10:03 PM
EXAMS OVER!
finally... no more papers! really never that hardworking mugging away in my entire life before. im really glad its over!
hope i won't forgot what i've studied during these 6 months. because i need to use it at work!
next week onwards, i'll be having attachments. finally back to patient care again. =))
so happpyy!!
Friday, April 08, 2011 @ 9:58 PM
11:11 or 12:34
no they are not any form of signals.
there's so so many things in my mind making me confused.
after going crazy and confused with all these silly stuffs signals that i hold on to or what-so-ever, i come to a point realising that
alright, if those are really signals, why am i still doubting them? simply because i can't grasp on anything with signals i can only grasp onto the Lord
its like the Lord can always give me all sorts of signals, but i can't grasp onto them because i'm doubting them. unless like my nursing, i took the faith step and march on towards nursing even though till now i dunno where my career path will lead to, i still hold on and believe God planned for me.
but why i this case i did not do the same thing? someone told me to just get to know R more. take the initiative. but deep down, i really refused to do it. im not taking that step. probably i won't dont ask me why, i really do not know probably becuase i'm too accustomed to the feelings or i dunno.
really silly of me to contridict myself but thank God really that it didnt affects my studies, im not like emo-ed, sad abotu it.
the whole idea about this that makes me think so much is...
God, what do you want me to do? why are You making me confused?
guess now i've get it.
simply trust.
gosh easier said than done. but i'll try!
Thursday, April 07, 2011 @ 9:50 PM
do you love me?
was talking to my parents over some issues and mum reminded me that i have to put God in the first place. i said, yea, i did put God in the first place.
so dad says,
dad: okay then who's no. 2nd? me or your mum? me: huh, why are u asking me so er xin qns? eew. mum: are you stupid? the bible says husband and wife are 1 body.
HAHAHA! what the... can like that meh?!? hahahaha
suddenly it made me think about this...
when we say that we love someone, we love something do we really mean it? or is it just an adjective to describe "oh. She is great! He is nice! <3 <3 that thing is WOW, that food.. gosh heavenly, love it!"
sometimes i feel that we've over-used the word love. we actually like it. not love it.
how about when we say Lord, i love you. is it an adjective or a noun?
think about it.
Tuesday, April 05, 2011 @ 11:02 PM
have you ever doubt yourself?
like u did something that's from your own heart but sometimes people do not apprecitate it and says that they are angry because that think of it another way a negative way.
then you start to wonder if at that point of time izzit really out from your own heart? or what they say was right.
or you know whatever they said its not right yet in the end if influences you so much that you think that you've made a wrong move, you're caused harm instead.
and that really brings you down.
sometimes i'll just ask myself, what have gone wrong? am i not doing the right thing? or have i done something wrong? i really start doubting myself my own character.
alrights, breathe breathe. pray and blame period.
Saturday, April 02, 2011 @ 10:00 PM
presbyopia
in layman terms, 老花 yes, i need a reading glass. cuz my degree is 100 and 150
how sad. studied so hard for exams, Ms Ng says we didnt really do well, and now i get prebyopia.
well it's not that i can't read its just that i get headaches and tired eyes with abit of blurring of the words when i read too long
=\
okay! shall not complain anymore time to look on the greener side.
like literally.
Friday, April 01, 2011 @ 1:40 AM
十字路口
I wrote a song, in response to the cross junction i'm at right now. God spoke to me thru 2 Cor 4:7-18 that i'm here not for sucess, but to live a life that expend the life of Jesus, because we only have that 1 life to do so. to not fear death, because i'm redeemed but to fear the Lord. Do not look at troubles we can see now, rather to fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen, because things that can be seen will soon be gone, while the things we cannot see will last forever.
He is jealous for me Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me. Oh, how He loves us so Oh, how He loves us How He loves us so.
Yeah, He loves us Woah, how He loves us Woah, how He loves us Woah, how He loves.
So we are His portion and He is our prize, Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes If grace is an ocean we're all sinking So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way
That he loves us, Woah, how He loves us Woah, how He loves us Woah, how He loves
He loves us, Woah, how He loves us Woah, how He loves us Woah, how He loves
Cause He loves us, Woah, how He loves us Woah, how He loves us Woah, how He loves
Yeah, He loves us Woah, how He loves us Woah, how He loves us Woah, how He loves
There's a story behind this song... John Mark(the song writer) had a youth minister (Steven) he was close to and he’d been praying and praying for there to be a movement among the youth that he was leading. One morning, when they were meeting to pray he said, “I’d give my life for this if that’s what it takes to see a movement among these youth. Do whatever you need to do God.” That evening, Steven the youth pastor, died in a car wreck, and John Mark wrote the song in memory of his friend.
John was angry at God, but despite his anger, rage, frustrations with God, and God still loves him. and this song is a response of sadness for losing a friend, but it embolises that we need to praise God in every moments in our lives.
Well, I thought about You the day Steven died and You met me between my breaking I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony ...they want to tell me You're cruel But if Steven could sing, he'd say it's not true, cause...
