Thursday, May 26, 2011 @ 9:39 AM
time and chance
"The fastest runner doesn’t always win the race, and the strongest warrior doesn’t always win the battle. The wise sometimes go hungry, and the skillful are not necessarily wealthy. And those who are educated don’t always lead successful lives. It is all decided by chance, by being in the right place at the right time."
-Ecclesiastes 9:11
"God has made everything beautiful for its own time... Whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it." -Ecclesiastes 3:11,14
Met L ytd over a drink and told him about myself being nominated as Alphacamp head.
and whether should i take up that role or not. knowing myself having other servings in church. just like what S usually tells me, where's ur focus, can u still focus on God while serving? L also reminded me not to overstretch myself in servings because i may lose focus on God and that's when i'll feel tired about serving
and all these contributes to poor spiritual growths.
which made me recall the time when i was in secondary school and poly days, i served a lot in church and ended up feeling tired. now thinking about it, i really grew closer to the Lord. without all those, i guess i won't be what i am today. someone who really fears the Lord and love the Lord.
for the past few years of my life, i always worries about the future, all the what ifs.. and today while i'm doing QT and thinking about the patients i have, thinking about what am i worrying? (if you asked me not to worry i can't. its like human nature.)
everything has its own time, everything has its chance.
its not for me to decide but to lay it all out to God
and accept the things He asked me to, He wants me to do.
and all these is because of Him. not for myself.
i guess Alphacamp this year to me is not about being passionate for preaching the gospel, but to learn to rely on Him... rather like a 6months lesson by Him, teaching me how to fully rely and focus on Him in busyness.
i've prayed and found the peace.
amazing isn't it?
Sunday, May 22, 2011 @ 11:43 PM
the purpose
i have a lot of decisions to make
that doesn't give me enough time to think about.
then i realised its not that i do not have enough time,
its just that i didn't want to think about it.
is God working now to make me do the right decision?
or am i the one, trying to take up the challenge, be ambitious?
actually, i'm just coming up with all sorts of excuses to shunt it off?
i asked myself, what's my greatest concern?
i replied FEAR.
i fear that i can't do a good job
i fear that i can't juggle my work and servings
i fear that i'll become a disappointment.
then again,
"As the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish...
So is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:10-11
Lord, lead me as you know me best.
Saturday, May 14, 2011 @ 10:46 PM
you looked happier.
Enli said i looked happier
Nathan said i'm like quite free
actually true enough,
i'm happier with all my weekends off
going to cell regular,
going to church regular,
hanging out with friends
more carefree~
attended Stuart Briscoe's 3 days conference in church
and this particular msg really speak to me
its the very last topic of the whole conference
"Disciples and Priorities"
Matt 6:19-34
there's many choices in life that i need to choose.
-what if what is "right" is not profitable?
-what if what is "good" is not comfortable?
-what is what is "true" is not fashionable?
i always worry about what i want in my life
my future, finances, educations all these practical fundamental material things.
and my mind, my actions are running after these things.
but this particular msg in matt stopped me once again.
i remembered sharing in my previous post that i'm someone who worries about not having enough. i'll be troubled, be perplexed and never find the answer.
i'm back to the situation whereby i'm stucked about what should i do after my advance dip. should i do degree part time next year? should i finish my bond, and take a full time degree with honours 2 years later?
will i be still able to study after 2 years of work? what about the $$ if i study full time? all these are really practical questions that i really need to ask.
WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHOULD I? SHOULD I NOT?
well, then again after reading matt 6:19-34 and the pointers given by rev stuart,
Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteouness, then all these things shall be ADDED unto you, therefore do not worry v24,25
No one can serve two masters, its spiritual impossibility.
esp the most significant is money and God.
often people worship the material things like money, than to worship the one who create money!
make sense isn't it? hahaha!
well, it also doesn't mean that all these concerns are unimportant, because the Kingdom is important and everything else is less important!
i'm called into nursing, not to yearn for $$ nor to be recognized in the secular workplace, but to work for the Lord, the call is to follow Him and then He'll make me.
i'm going to resigned as a Registered Nurse and be disciple of Jesus Christ skillfully disguised as a Registered Nurse.
true enough, going to church every weekends, hanging out with church friends on weekends,having more time to care and concern about my other friends outside the christian circle, i'm really happier.
being happier? or being richer?
Tuesday, May 10, 2011 @ 11:04 PM
Limping or Running?
this is a LONG POST.
i dunno what i did was right or wrong.
i felt that i'm a bad person, or a two faced person.
im just confused.
i told ET not to associated me with E.
because i really felt that they associated me with E,
thinking that we're very close, good friends
but to me... i think E is a friend.
when E says stuffs about me in front of my other friends,
when she corrected me so openly as if i've done a major mistake
but i didnt. its just some remarks she couldn't accept.
i dislike her.
sometimes when i hang out with her, i think she's alright
we can click. but at times, rather most of the time,
i dislike her, being "arrogant"
i got very hurt by her.
i told G about it once when i was feeling hurt by E
she told me to stand up for myself.
today i told my attachment mates
about how i felt and how much i dislike E
and yet being a two faced, trying to be friend with E
C, one of my friend then told me that she didn't like her as well
same goes to ET.
now as days goes by, more and more days spent with E
i couldn't really tolerate her remarks anymore.
some say "Gab, learn to stand up for yourself."
some say "just treat it as if she didnt take medicine, ignore."
some say "look at her good points."
well, i did the latter two "some say"
but i guess i didnt really stand up for myself. i wonder why. is it because i'm feeling inferior?
i spent sometime thinking about it. and realised that i'm someone who wants to be likeable. not popular, but i just want people around me to likes me and not dislike me. i want people around me to be happy with me around. that's all.
that's also why i used myself as a joke, well, its not like sacrificial, suicidal self image, but just be a clown and make ppl happy, and i'm happy
but sometimes E made it such that i'm dumb. HATE IT!!
amazingly, at the point where i'm once again lost and confused, hurt.
did my QT. AWESOMENESS! it was comforting.
8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
-2 Cor 12:8-10
these hurts/pains reminds me of the limitations. my limitations.
"to those of us who pride ourselves on our independence and feel most comfortable being in control, we don't relish the pain when it reminds us we're vulnerable.
instead of admitting our need, we "play through the pain," if not to convince ourselves then to assure others that we can handle whatever comes our way. No one likes to feel weak."
"Pride keeps us from admitting our needs, much less our failures. But until we're willing to deal with those things, we cut ourselves off from the fullness of the power of Christ in our lives."
i guess, that wanting to be a likeable person, aiming to achieve that, making me wanting to gain control, thinking that its simple, easy, i can rely on myself.
but to be such a person, i need to put down this pride, this thought and rely on God.
it's a simple yet tough move to make.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint
- Isaiah 40:29-31
really got to ask myself this:
do i want to be limping on an old wound rather than admitting my weakness and hurt to the Lord?
there is a difference between limping and running.
Sunday, May 01, 2011 @ 11:30 PM
good O'days
its been a long time since i run alot
ran 8km today phew~ but its good sweating out!
followed by hanging out with different combi of people
playing pool, lazy window shopping, drinking a jug of beer and laughing away,
roller blading(ohh! i've improved alot! =)))
chatting about good Old school days
going prawning tmr!
i guess that's all i can do and what i really want to do before i start work again officially after june 10th.
a time where i can really fellowship with my church friends
(seriously, church friends are harder to jio~)
now i'm going to pick up reading!
i must read ah.. too many books at home haven finish reading!!
and i'm going to buy another 2 more books. gosh!
