Monday, March 26, 2012 @ 8:58 AM
i loved my life too much.
The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. - John 12:25 (NIV)
Went to church today, after so long.
although i still do feel out of place,
but i realized that i need to go to church.
not for fellowship, not for fun joy and laughters
but to hear Him speak to me, to be reminded and to remember.
i'm glad what ever happens for the past few days
happened. i'm thankful for the trigger and battle of thoughts both negative and positive,
the spiritual warfare that's boiling deep inside my soul that is so unbearable
the tears i've shed over nights, the broken heart and the aches,
God knows. He really does.
Because at my lowest point of my spiritual health,
when i loved the way my life was over the past few months
when i moved myself away from church
when i no longer being passionate to serve the Lord
when i'm utterly a disappointment and totally undeserving
when i'm all over guilty and shameful
when i became selfish and stubborn
The Lord remains faithful.
The Holy Spirit constantly battles alongside with me and prompted me thru different people
to turn back, to seek ye first, to gain strength.
I was never alone and He did not forsake me as promised.
Now its my turn to response
to gain strength to overcome the negatives
to allow the Holy Spirit to battle with me
to draw myself closer to the Lord
and constantly be mindful and be reminded of His great love.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012 @ 9:45 PM
为什么
为什么生活不是我的挣扎
但教会是我的 挣扎
而我到底在挣扎什么？
我在想什么？
我想要什么？
我找不到出发点
还是应为这一切累积很久了
太久了
@ 9:12 PM
我让你们失望了
刚到家， 老爸说 星期天 5 点 要去 garden of remembrance
心情就沉重了。
在回来得路上， 感觉 那在 海边的 2个小时 的快乐
在渐渐消失。 路途中好像一切都 倒头，回到原点。
我只
想要固执一下， 想要自私一下
不想考虑到任何人的感受，
不想去面对责任 或情绪上的 所要。
心情沉重不是因为 想念
而是因为 昨天 我告诉Q 我的公公和 阿嬷
是我以他们为榜样的 基督徒。
但一想到公公的忌日就在这一两天，
一想到 他和阿嬷看到我现在这样
不去教会， 不想事奉上帝了
不在像是他们认为的 那个 很 活泼逗他们开心 的我
一定非常失望
记得阿嬷说过
什么是发生 不要怕 只要祷告 上帝会 垂听
一定要去教堂 不可以不去
可是这个教堂已经不在像 那个时候的教堂了
在也不像家了。
而我好像只是个过路客。
@ 5:57 PM
along the beach
I'm seated along the siloso beach sentosa
it kind of awesome, listening to waves,
a group of good friends playing with waves
couples dipping the the sea
little girl stepping into the water with her mum
so relaxed.
finally get my rest after 8 days
met up with my mentor, Dayang, shared with him my thoughts and my spiritual life.
this is our first meet up for mentoring and i tot it came pretty late.
nway.. everything has its time
and i believe one day i can overcome and face the rubbish that i've thrown aside.
because i realized i'm able to move on without clearing them.
now, i just want to enjoy every moments i have
because 人生是一大享受。
i really don't wanna step back and think about it
or clear my rubbish.
@ 10:22 AM
我还能逃得多久？
chatted with Q regarding christianity today
logic n science vs christianity it was very interesting
the qns asked were all what i heard in church when they taught about science vs christianity.
but i couldn't ans them...
thats not the point.
the point is.. from this humble atheist point of view
keyword : "it doesn't matter..."
and i recap of where i am now with God,
"it doesn't matter..." because i'm still in a relationship with God
even when i didn't go to church.
when i blurted out my own struggles
i actually know i'm in a pretty bad shape
because i've been hiding away with work
and with every little things i can find to occupy myself.
as i was sharing with Q, telling him my viewpoints of being a christian
i know it's very much a self experience very limited knowledge i have of God
and if i were before, i wouldn't answer it that way.
yes i sense danger, yes i know i'm sliding away slowly and silently..
not from God but from the church.
yes i know i shouldn't, yes i know i should pull myself back
yes i know i should read His words more, yes i know i should pray.
but...
running away seems much easier.
Saturday, March 17, 2012 @ 10:52 PM
utterly disgusted so please wake up!
im utterly disgusted with Singaporeans being freaking demanding and disrespectful.
hello! if you're not keen for any treatment, kindly just DO NOT COME TO THE HOSPITAL for goodness sake! do not take up the freaking tight bed space, just simply go home and do whatever you want! you want to die out there is your choice! don't freaking vent your anger on anyone who's trying to help you earnestly! YOU'RE FREAKING SICK AND NOT A KING! YOU WASTED OUR TIME TRYING TO HELP YOU so you freaking don't complain!
family members also, if you care for your "loved" ones, PLS LISTEN TO US AND OBEY THE HOUSE RULES. ITS OUR HOUSE NOT YOURS! stop freaking do things behind our back!
WHEN WE SAY NO WATER TO BE FED THROUGH THE MOUTH BECAUSE THE WATER GOES TO THE LUNGS NOT THE STOMACH, we actually mean it.
if you love the patient you won't do this. unless you want him dead from further complications.
then speak to your conscious, hope it haunts you! URGH.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012 @ 12:09 AM
one in a bond of............
had a buffet dinner with my a group of chinese colleagues
it was pretty enjoyable
recently we bonded a lot and i was happy about it.
because we see each other almost everyday, it's really important to bond with them.
so excited about the malaysia seafood trip with my colleagues on the 31st!
its a farewell party for Ke Hong. He's leaving us and leaving nursing cuz his bond ended.
He's really a very good nurse. He very steady and knowledgeable. He knows his patients well
and he practically good friends with all the machines we have in the ICU. a very good example and role model to look up too. but too sadly he's leaving nursing.
very soon i guess more people like him will be leaving. it's really very sad.
Friday, March 09, 2012 @ 2:10 AM
this is a love story.
oh well it's not mine. hahaha!
just finished watching a thai love story
it was pretty sweet.. go funshion it!
it's called first love or crazy little thing called love.
love is really important. it's a daily topic in life.
had a fun time with Vs and Ys in my bedroom today
joking and talking about their "love lives"
just felt like good o'l days when we hangout in V's room every sunday
then met up with K for dinner together with W and talked about K's family life.
it's been tough for K. but after hearing what's she's going thru,
my life problems seems to be so so so minute. (okay i'm not actually having much problems actually. in fact i can't think of any right now.. pretty satisfied.)
Love is so amazing that it doesn't have to appear only in a form of romance.
because...
Love is patient. Love is kind
Love is courage. Love is Joy
Love is care. Love is concern
Love is to give. Love can forgive.
it's a life long lesson.
to love and be loved
because God is love.
Wednesday, March 07, 2012 @ 10:01 PM
cheers to every moment
i'm kind of enjoying every moment i have right now.
be it at work or my free time.
probably because work these days are much lighter,
the patient load is so much lesser.
again.. it's seasonal i guess. (so tis the season to be jolly~)
anyway...
I'M GOING TO TAIWAN!!!!!!!!
5 days 4nights in Taipei with Kaili and Sharon.
i've noticed that Kaili MIA-ed among the poly clique and Sharon is caught in the middle.
talked to Sharon about it before and i'm right.
something happened to the 4 of them during their stay in Aust.
such that my relationship with Kaili kind of affected too.
so i really hope this trip will bring us (at least 3 of us)
back together as good friends like before altogether again.
then... Dingyue gonna join me after my 5days in Taipei and we'll continue touring Taiwan..
probably go to some Ming Su and stay ^^
so excited!
when i'm much older, i really hope to set foot into different places of the world
and taste the culture, the society, the nature etc.
explore different places...
walk till the day i can't walk any more~
Friday, March 02, 2012 @ 9:02 PM
步步惊心
第一最好不相见，如此便可不相恋。
第二最好不相知，如此便可不相思。
第三最好不相伴，如此便可不相欠。
第四最好不相惜，如此便可不相忆。
第五最好不相爱，如此便可不相弃。
第六最好不相对，如此便可不相会。
第七最好不相误，如此便可不相负。
第八最好不相许，如此便可不相续。
第九最好不相依，如此便可不相偎。
第十最好不相遇，如此便可不相聚。
但曾相见便相知，相见何如不见时。
安得与君相诀绝，免教生死作相思。
友情，爱情，亲情，不管是什么样的感情或关系最重要的就是真心。
如能真的做到 “非关风月，只为真心”，那是难得关系。
男女老少，一切外表，无关紧要，珍惜便是。
既来之，则安之
行到水穷处， 坐看云起时
