towards K i dunno if it is infatuations or really like. couldn't really tell.
thinking about myself just letting go of the feelings i've had for R for so freaking many years just last year,
i grew a little fear in liking someone again. i wouldn't want to go thru such mental and emotional torture.


but honestly, K has always been on my mind.
mmm...

I really give my heartfelt thanks to the Lord

Chatted with Ah Yi on the phone last night, asking her how was the bronchoscopy
and was full of praise, she thank God for the clear airways, for the painless procedure.
she tolerated the scope well.

She's anxious with the results, so am i. although i know it's CA lungs
but i know that the cell type of the carcinoma plays a vital role in mortality.
it's kind of hard to keep it from her. but i did mention to her that
no matter it's good or bad. or the worst... she's never alone
and she told me whatever the outcome is, if that's what the Lord give it to her
she will remain strong. and she will keep focusing on the Lord.

actually i'm very excited about her diagnosis of cancer. it may sound bad, like as if i'm such a cold person.
because it happened already, there's no point grieving over it. but to be excited to see what the Lord is going to do to people around her. to me, to her family, to our family. I'm excited to see how the Lord is going to work in His ways that we cannot see. and i truly believe that it's gonna to be a great awesome journey. battling the cancer alongside with God, anticipating a change, a turning point of person's life(we've been praying that this is my uncle's and jeraldine's turning point) because i believe that if this is the case, my aunt will be having her greatest joy EVER. in fact, this is also part of my turning point.

looking at my aunt spending time with her recently really brought me a lot closer to God
how amazing our Father is. how He keeps us and bless us, His mercies never flowing.
i know probably non christians cannot understand this. but it's that peace and hope that i saw in my aunt
so true to me that i have that peace and hope.

i have not shed a single tear upon hearing the bad news, i thought i was heartless, immune with what i saw daily, but nope, i realized i wasn't because i had peace and hope. because of this, for the first time, i can talk like an adult with my uncle, he cried in front of me, i saw this man humbling down, it was awesome. i said an awkward prayer for him, but we all know that God listens.

then I chatted on the phone with Kenneth for the first time.
it wasn't really awkward, but it's happy. its obvious to me that we both grew liking for each other.
nth about us liking each other was mentioned during our conversation.

Dayang and Enli told me that we're going pretty fast and we should slow down and know each other better. well i agree that we're going pretty fast, and yes, we'll learn to know each other better before committing to anything. i have been praying about this relationship and i want to submit it to God.

thought thru the whole morning,  is it really important to know about his past? is it important to know more about his character, it is important to worry what is going to happen ahead?
to me, i realised, it doesn't matter.
the only thing i prayed for Kenneth was that he is willing to meet the One who loves me unfailingly.
and if he is willing to meet the Lord, i'll join him on this journey and of cuz it's going to be awesome.

why did i come to this consideration? it's because of my aunt.
there's a lot of things we want to be in control and we worry a lot
forgetting that the Lord is there always and the Holy Spirit is leading us right in front, right before when the actual thing happens. God knows and we just need to submit upon Him.
She said. "girl, listen to me, whatever that is going to happen, just pray. keep praying, don't stop, then u will see how much miracle He have in your life. nothing is more powerful than prayer."

9"However, as it is written: "What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived" - the things God has prepared for those who love him -
10 these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who knows a person's thoughts except their own spirit within them In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God 12What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit -taught words. -1 Cor 2: 9-13

accompanied Ah Yi at glen e today from morning till evening.
had a great afternoon chat with her.

She told me the story about Jonah and the fish and also how Jesus calm the storm.
No matter what happens, before and after, everyday, must pray.
Because prayer is the most powerful thing.

she taught me how to pray. How to pray when i travel to Taiwan
how to pray when i'm at Taiwan and how to pray when i'm back from Taiwan
she taught me how to pray before i start my work and after i end my work.

She told me that i can't hide from God and always remember Jesus is there, just need to ask him to calm the storm.

She told me about Vianna, about Jeraldine, about Uncle.
She's really a prayerful woman. who keeps praying and praying.
and she shared me with plenty of miracles that happened as she prayed.

I told her about K, cuz i've been going out with K recently.
and she told me to pray also, even though K is not a christian
she encouraged me to keep praying and she taught me how to pray.

My Ah yi is indeed a godly woman, a strong woman, a loving wife and mother.

I'm not sad for my aunt, in fact, i want to bring praise to the Lord for what she's going thru
and i believe my aunt will bring praise too. because I strongly believe that the Lord is working in some ways that we cannot see. but it's something that is going to be awesome! that will bring true deepest Joy to my aunt and that will allow her to gain strength to battle against whatever that is coming thru.

Amen!

She's a faithful servant of God
she's strong. she's been a great blessing to me
and i love her a lot.

today she's ill and Lord i really pray for Your mercy be upon her and her family.
i know Lord You give and take away, but Lord, i really pray that You can heal her.
it hurts to know that she's afraid, she's worried, she's weak.

but whatever the outcome is, Lord, teach us to stay focus onto You
and continue to bring glory to You.

Dear Lord,

I give thanks to the unfailing love You have for me, that touches me every time when i think about Your grace and mercies. how blessed i am, how have you lead me thru rainy days. how happy was i before when i relied on You. Father, i'm not a perfect person. i made terrible mistakes and there's a lot of fear in me. Father, teach me and remind me to trust, to obey and to do what is right.

Dear Lord,

I pray for a friend, that even he doesn't acknowledge You, i know that Your love is still everlasting.
soften his heart and may he one day knows Your greatness and goodness. I pray that Lord for you to show mercy and grace to him and his dad. To him Lord, give him strength to support the family, to take good care of his patients, to have his passion for medicine keeps burning so he can do good to others.
To his dad, Lord heal him with Your love and that he still have chance to know that You are Lord.

Dear Lord,

I pray for a friend, that as she having lots of work to do and got upset when things doesn't goes her way,
Father i pray for Your wisdom be upon her, as she have a daily dose of Your word, Lord enlighten her of Your grace and love. That she learns to look upon You and gain strength peace and joy from You and only You.

Dear Lord,

I pray for a friend, that he has his reasons for not accepting You Lord and i pray that Father will you soften the heart of this child. That he remains open towards You and one day to accept and do good works that brings glory to Your name. I pray that Lord i want to commit our relationship unto Your hands
and Lord as we get to know each other better, guide me with Your wisdom such that i remain clear minded and know what is best for us.

Dear Lord

I pray for my taiwan trip, not only being a trip for fun and laughters, but also to mend a friendship gap between us. that we learn to support and take good care of one another, to be thoughtful of each other so that the trip can be a life lesson. I pray that while taking rest in Taiwan, too, i find rest in You Lord, that i'll grow into a deeper relationship with You.


In Jesus' name I prayed, Amen.

1) met up with K recently, he was my sec 1 one classmate
whom i seldom talked to and i don't even remember he was my class monitor back then.
i don't even know he's part of a boy band that my cohort guys formed (was pretty popular then)
all i remembered of him was.. he's quiet and low profile. i almost forgot he existed. hahaha!

until recently, he pm-ed me on FB, and we started chatting and hanged out.
then i realized, i actually don't really remember my secondary school life.
and how much joy i had then... those were the days, nothing worries us.

hahaha I'm wondering why i only keep in touch with sec 1A classmates. who were only classmates with me for that first year. those were classmates with me for more than a year, we lost contact already!
like Kitty, Hui Min, Wenya and now Kenneth. they're all my sec 1 classmates then never classmates after.

2) today, i nursed this old ah gong. super pampered by his family. and it feels like those times when my uncles and aunties took care of gong gong and ah ma. feed them, massage them, stay by the bedside all day etc. it's really not easy to find such family already. and i really hope they did all these because they really care, not for show or any other reasons.

3) i grew a liking. and i hope it's true not just a feeling.

child of God
staff nurse

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