I was trying to search the song lyrics “Even in the dark” that I wrote in the blog and then I read some of the old posts. It made me realised how much I’ve changed from a person who yearns for love and yearns for the Lord to a person who is married to K on 12 nov 2016 but loved herself more than anyone else.

Reading my old post reminds me how much I’m lacking this reflective view of the way I’m living.  I’ve allowed myself to drift into the selfish mindset of being just me. Excuses of busy day at work and at a life stage of establishing a family to cover up my total laziness.

I’ve suffered a blight ovum in Dec 2016.. I’ve prayed many times for a gift from God - a child. And I had those two lines appearing on the hcg test kit after trying for about 8 months. 8 weeks before the diagnosis of blight ovum - baby not formed at all, I prayed for the gift within me every night, telling God how thankful I am and to keep the baby safe and healthy. It ended up being a empty gift box.

 I’m no longer the nurse who takes good care of patients - which I really missing it ALOT. I’m currently working as an infection control nurse who tries to keep all the patients in the hospital safe from all sorts of pathogenic microorganisms. It was interesting but it’s not my passion. This job allows me to have a 8 to 5 working hours, allowing me to attend church regularly.

But.. though I’m in church more regular than years back, my heart is not aligned with Christ. Something is wrong with me. And today, I realised that it’s that reflective heart towards my life went missing. I have been moving on day by day without reflecting on myself and my life seriously.

I ended my last post in Sep 2013, and for the past few years since 2014, I’ve been focusing on my different life stages.. in a relationship stage, job change, getting married, establishing a family but not my Christian life.

Many things changed. I’m no longer actively making relationships with my church friends, it feels so difficult to blend in. I’m losing stories to tell that enriches my life compared to before. I’m no longer that person I used to be.

I miss her. The old me.

But it’s not late to create the new me.

“Happy are those who keep His decrees and seek Him with all their heart”  Psalms 119:2

child of God
staff nurse

March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
June 2012
July 2012
August 2012
September 2012
October 2012
November 2012
December 2012
January 2013
February 2013
March 2013
April 2013
May 2013
June 2013
September 2013
January 2018