and I will
keep dancing in the rain
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Wednesday, January 31, 2018 @ 11:46 PM
Looking back... and what’s up now...
I was trying to search the song lyrics “Even in the dark” that I wrote in the blog and then I read some of the old posts. It made me realised how much I’ve changed from a person who yearns for love and yearns for the Lord to a person who is married to K on 12 nov 2016 but loved herself more than anyone else.

Reading my old post reminds me how much I’m lacking this reflective view of the way I’m living.  I’ve allowed myself to drift into the selfish mindset of being just me. Excuses of busy day at work and at a life stage of establishing a family to cover up my total laziness.

I’ve suffered a blight ovum in Dec 2016.. I’ve prayed many times for a gift from God - a child. And I had those two lines appearing on the hcg test kit after trying for about 8 months. 8 weeks before the diagnosis of blight ovum - baby not formed at all, I prayed for the gift within me every night, telling God how thankful I am and to keep the baby safe and healthy. It ended up being a empty gift box.

 I’m no longer the nurse who takes good care of patients - which I really missing it ALOT. I’m currently working as an infection control nurse who tries to keep all the patients in the hospital safe from all sorts of pathogenic microorganisms. It was interesting but it’s not my passion. This job allows me to have a 8 to 5 working hours, allowing me to attend church regularly.

But.. though I’m in church more regular than years back, my heart is not aligned with Christ. Something is wrong with me. And today, I realised that it’s that reflective heart towards my life went missing. I have been moving on day by day without reflecting on myself and my life seriously.

I ended my last post in Sep 2013, and for the past few years since 2014, I’ve been focusing on my different life stages.. in a relationship stage, job change, getting married, establishing a family but not my Christian life.

Many things changed. I’m no longer actively making relationships with my church friends, it feels so difficult to blend in. I’m losing stories to tell that enriches my life compared to before. I’m no longer that person I used to be.

I miss her. The old me.

But it’s not late to create the new me.

“Happy are those who keep His decrees and seek Him with all their heart”  Psalms 119:2

Monday, September 02, 2013 @ 5:40 PM
First hospitalization in my life
Im hospitalised in AH, a small and familiar hospital. Im diagnosed dengue fever.

The disease path of dengue is not pleasant. High fever, chills, pain, sleepless nights... Thank God 
Day 5 of my dengue, i got rest. 

Rev Yu visited me and asked which psalms would u like to hear now.. I saw Psalms 23.. And she made me read it. Then she asked which verse do u think means more to u.. I replied the first 2 verses.. rest.. Rest.. Rest .. God wants me to rest. 

I heard from my dad that brother also query dengue and dad too having high fever of 39

i tot admitted will allow my dad to rest but no.. im worried for my dad because he have hypertension and now fever.. He need to send my bro for blood taking tmr , run up n down. Very worrying for him cuz he's not young anymore.. 

May the Lord have mercy on my family

Wednesday, June 05, 2013 @ 11:00 PM

Ling ling shared with me about this video and also sneak preview of the book "heaven is for real"
and my heart shivered. i was scared.

many times after times, i disobeyed the Lord,  even i know it was wrong, i still do it.
i'll fallen into satan's trap. many times i went to church, i pray that i want to repent
but when i'm out of church, i'm back to square one.

we always focus on God's grace and love, and ended up taking advantage of it.
we always think that God will forgive, but in actual fact, he wants us to repent and not do it again.
not to do and then ask for forgiveness.

i can't deny the fact that the end is near
looking at everyday life around the world
it's reflecting the Word of God.

you may think that this video is exaggerating,
but it wasn't , it's for repentance.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013 @ 2:50 PM
has life been a breeze lately?
im currently at my comfort zone.

- no debts
- no stress, okay except when i need to rush assignments
- love life, awesome
- friends, still around
- spiritual, have been attending cell lately, dunno y my weekends are pretty made available to me.
- work hectic at times yea

during my appraisal
when my boss asked me, " gabrielle so how? how r u?"
i replied sincerely with the thought about 'work' in respect to that qns
" like that lor,  used to it already."
boss said " jia lat, means can go off already, else must give u more work already."

relatively, if i ask myself that question, pertaining to my life.
"like that lor, used to it already"
i wonder, has my life been a breeze lately or i'm really used to my comfort zone
izzit a 'jialat' i need to get more in life.

i have not really prayed about what shall be next after completion of my bond in term of career advancement etc.  neither have i pray about anything with regards to my spiritual life.

but i do have a strong urge of resigning and getting back into track with my saturdays and sunday commitments to God. its a dwelling desire i have to want to serve along with my brothers and sisters.
once again enjoy the joy of leading worship, the peace that comes from prayers within close cell group members, the fun filled fellowship.

i guess this is what i need to get more in life.

without God, life can be a breeze, life can be good,  but like what it is, it'll just come and go, a short secs of shungness, but nothing left behind.

and yes, stupid old aunty boss did give me extra work, DAMN!
but i'm at the stage of ignorance hehehe

Monday, April 08, 2013 @ 9:23 AM
into the 5th year.
A patient's father told me this
"oh! u're a local? wow, very seldom local people will do nursing. Don't do nursing forever, this is my advice to you, unless u know that u will be promoted to Sister anytime soon. Trust me go further your studies do something that earns more... "

I can't deny the fact that this is most of the Singaporeans' mindset that nursing in Singapore doesn't give u very much good prospect unless hang on long enough and move into the next level. And moving towards the next level takes lots of time and energy...  i mean come on lah! ahhaa! this is a very realistic world, either u POR, or u listen and do what ur bosses say, then ur work life will be better. Those who stood up for their rights, being against with bosses.. promotion rates may stay e same, but the increment is DOOM!

Despite all complains and whines i have about work, ups and downs i have in life
Nursing did help me a lot. At the age of 23, i'm earning up to 3k plus (includes allowances, but of cuz without allowances i'm a 2k plus worth.) 4 full years of experience in nursing, i'm in my 5th year currently, having to go for advance diploma, taking care of very critically ill patients
knowing the insides about medical lines, seen life so differently. 

i didn't have much regrets. But like the advice given by my patient's father, 5 years of bedside nursing is exactly just enough for me, i may want to further my studies after my degree and do something may or may not be related. 

What most important is i need to get back to church regularly and start serving the Lord. 
honestly the joy u have in life,  nothing beats serving the Lord together with fellow christians.

Money doesn't bring u happiness, its brings u indulgence in things u want. 
Career doesn't bring u happiness, it brings u into the reality of life, mainly the ugliness of people.
Relationships doesn't bring u the full happiness, it brings u responsibilities and life long lessons.
Indeed only the Lord brings u happiness, it brings u the love and peace and joy that pulls u thru life. 

Calling into nursing, have brought me thus far, after my degree and bond, i'm getting out of this place. 

Friday, March 01, 2013 @ 2:29 PM
Hello March (:
Been and back from Bangkok recently and caught a flu right after... so wasted my 6 days of annual leave lying around at home, recuperating and prepare to go back to work and school on the 5th.

Bangkok trip was pretty awesome! went with kenneth, wenya, alvin (wenya's bf), ling ling and lingling's friend minyuan. this time round my 2nd trip there, i didnt shop as crazy as the first time.
we ate quite alot, i KO-ed pretty early, guess this is sign of aging.

2days back, lingling texted me, and told me that my most resourceful person(Geeta~ ka~) asked me not to leave the organisation within this 6months as i may be promoted, most likely will be promoted.
well, i was pretty happy for a few minutes.. if i get promoted, it means that my new job search may be much easier, if i'm not promoted and i left the organisation before my promo, then my new job search may be less easy in terms of salary.

one of my friend is getting engaged soon, and i was really happy, however kenneth popped a qns, are they stable enough to even get married, start a family. looking at the recent news of housing and car hikes, money is really important. That led to myself wondering if i leave the organisation, will i stay get the amount of money i earn currently? because my current income is pretty high~~~

but i know i have to stand firm, and leave the organisation to find a job that allows me to go to church every sunday again, to go back to my fellowship, to go back to where i was.
I came across this verse today, and it encourages me to stand firm to my decision.

Testing of Your Faith
eCount it all joy, my brothers,2 when you meet trials fof various kinds, for you know that gthe testing of your faith hproduces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be iperfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
jIf any of you lacks wisdom, klet him ask God, lwho gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But mlet him ask in faith,nwith no doubting, for the one who doubts is like oa wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; phe is a double-minded man, qunstable in all his ways.
Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation, 10 and rthe rich in his humiliation, because slike a flower of the grass3 he will pass away. 11 For the sun rises with its scorching heat and twithers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits.
12 uBlessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive vthe crown of life, wwhich God has promised to those who love him. 13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. 14 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire xwhen it has conceived gives birth to sin, and ysin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. 17 zEvery good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from athe Father of lightsbwith whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.4 18 cOf his own will he dbrought us forth by the word of truth, ethat we should be a kind offfirstfruits of his creatures.

true enough, serving the Lord brings me much joy than the high income i'm getting, although i get to have things i want, but i lost what i needed most.

Saturday, February 09, 2013 @ 11:59 PM
CNY reunion.
Happy Chinese New Year! 

as usual, had CNY reunion with my granny, ah yi and uncles on the eve. 

and tmr is the day that i dreaded most.
no reunion lunch, dinner at my father's side for the 3rd year.
and it'll be so awkward tmr when we're all going to see each other in church.

i do have some hope in thinking that we may have a mini gathering
but it seems like nope we're not. 
Vivian's family went to Perth for holiday during CNY, this is the 2nd year they left during CNY. 
my oldest uncle went to China as usual, my 2nd uncle living in China already. 

everytime after church we used to gather in Ah ma hse for reunion, having fun time and photo sessions with my crazy cuzzies. when will be our next reunion? 


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